Brave Movinator: 5 Tips for Surviving A Big Move

Weird food. New house. Different people with different problems. Emotional roller coaster. 

These are the main ingredients of what I like to call "A Big Move." 

Speaking of which, I'm coming up on my year anniversary of living in Japan, my biggest big move. It's a strange feeling.

Sometimes I'll remember what it was like in my first month here and be simultaneously delighted and horrified by the level of enthusiasm (and confusion) I exhibited for literally everything that was Japan. Now I'm just sort of living. 

Isn't it surprising that it took me almost an entire year to get to that point?

Maybe. But maybe not.

I mean, I've had a lot of big moves in my life, and nearly all of them have left me feeling totally elated and totally destroyed. At this point, it's become a fairly predictable pattern. Living in a new place is hard-- especially within the first six months. Those months always seem to be a nightmare.

But, I feel as though the more I move around, the more accustomed I become to being one who moves. What would you call one who moves? A mover? A movestress? A movinator? That last one is probably right.

So, I thought it'd be helpful to post some of my favorite advice for dealing with the anxiety of finding yourself in a completely new place and not knowing what to do about it.

If you're applying to teach English abroad or planning to move to a new country (or even a new state!), I hope this helps you out. These little tidbits have certainly helped me deal with some major freak-outs in the past. 

Also snacks. Lots of snacks.

1. Try not to have expectations.

Every time I move to a new place, I visualize myself there, belonging there, being exactly the kind of person who has lived there her whole life. I imagine myself with tons of new, beautiful friends, twenty five pounds thinner, with a great paying job and several inches taller. I also usually am holding some sort of latte.

Between you and me, that's not a great way to walk into a potentially difficult life situation. It will leave you very disappointed (usually).

The thing is, moving is stressful. Beyond just the financial difficulties that come with a big move, moving tends to leave you without a support network (or at least, a support network that's fairly different than the one you've become accustomed to in your last home). 

So if you imagine yourself with those beautiful people and that latte, and find yourself broke and alone, wandering around in a strange new place, it can be a bit of a downer.

What's worked for me in the past is telling myself throughout the moving process that good or bad, this move is going to make my life more interesting in one way or another. Remember why you're moving in the first place when things get tough.

And if things never get tough for you, great! Count yourself very lucky!

2. Remember the 3-6-12 rule.

Give yourself three months to be irrational, six months to get settled in, and a year to make your new location feel like home.

It seems like whenever I move, I have three months of extreme highs ("I'm never leaving this perfect dreamland country!") and extreme lows ("No one in this terrible butthole country cares that I exist..."), which is followed by the six month mark where I kind of get what life is like ("It's really easy to take the bus to Fukuoka, see?"), to that magical year mark when I sort of feel like a local ("Oh, Kinoushita san owns the best vegetable shop in town!"). It's a bumpy ride, but I find that it seems to be very consistent.

However, these feelings can be very hard to handle if you're not anticipating them.

3-6-12 is a great rule to remember if you're just a few months into a big move and feel like you should be, well, happier. 

3. Say "yes" as much as possible...

I can't tell you how many weird adventures I've been on because I decided to say "yes" to odd invitations. 

For instance, a few months ago I went on a women's beauty retreat in Kadogawa and learned to "beautiful walk" and "small face massage" with forty strangers. I spoke only Japanese for two days, caught a glimpse of an endangered aquatic bird (we went bird-watching), and made really cool new friends! 

It was so strange. But the amount of satisfaction I felt for getting out of my comfort zone and handling everything made it all worthwhile.

What I've noticed is that I feel way more fulfilled when I fill my time with interesting experiences and funny stories, especially when I'm going through a big move. It makes me feel that I'm doing things I couldn't do in the place where I was before. It's a good feeling.

4. ...but don't forget to take a day off.

On the other side of the coin, it's also really easy to overbook yourself when you move to a new place because there's so much great new stuff to see and do.

"Of course I'll help with the community garden!"

"Volleyball for charity? Sign me up!"

"You want to go out drinking on a Tuesday night with your friend's ex-boyfriend, a librarian and an old war veteran named Cookie? Sounds like a blast!"

If you say yes to literally everything, sometimes you can stretch yourself a little thin.

Just be aware of yourself and your needs. If you need to skip that really great weekend trip because you haven't had a day to yourself all month, it's okay to do that. If you need to cancel on visiting friends tonight because you're practically falling asleep at work, that's okay too. 

Or if you're like me and you just need a break from speaking Japanese for a day, it's totally okay to skip calligraphy class once in awhile to get bundled up and watch Broad City in bed. 

"Calligraphy? Or raunchy lady-centric comedy?"

You're going through a lot right now. Be gentle with yourself.

5. Be true to you!

Just because you've moved to a new place doesn't mean you're a different person.

Repeat that to yourself. Then repeat it again.

If you like photography, take photographs. If you need to ride your bike to feel good, buy one and ride it. If you hate sports, but your new town is literally named Sportsville and no one does anything but play sports there, you still don't have to like sports.

I've made myself so miserable so many times by moving to a new place and completely changing myself to try to fit in. I've bought different clothes, stopped doing the things I liked, and pretending to like things that I really didn't care about, all in the name of making friends and fitting in. 

Let me save you some time. That doesn't work. 

I'm not trying to say you shouldn't try new hobbies or activities. People are constantly changing and growing, and a new move is a great time to try things out. Try the Singaporean cooking class! Take up the mandolin if you want to! 

I'm just saying that if you try those new exciting activities, and you don't enjoy them, don't keep doing them. Just be aware of yourself. Take note of what you find yourself actually enjoying, and what you're just doing because it feels like it's the big thing to do in your cool, new country.

Big moves are tough. A new place can make you feel anxious, depressed, alone, you name it. When culture shock hits, it can make life feel impossible. Difficult times bring out the worst and the best in people. 

I know. I've seen myself become a sad/angry weirdo many, many times.

But big move is also an amazing thing. It allows you to try new things, see new places, eat new foods, and just generally grow as a person. You'll do stuff your pre-move self would have never done, and I hope it makes you feel great.

So if you're embarking on a big move, congratulations! You're doing something very difficult and very worthwhile. If things get tough for you, remember these tips. 

Good luck, brave movinator! Or in the words of the original...

Hasta la movsta baby!