Weird food. New house. Different people with different problems. Emotional roller coaster.
These are the main ingredients of what I like to call "A Big Move."
Speaking of which, I'm coming up
on my year anniversary of living in Japan, my biggest big move. It's a strange feeling.
Sometimes I'll remember what it
was like in my first month here and be simultaneously delighted and horrified
by the level of enthusiasm (and confusion) I exhibited for literally everything that was Japan.
Now I'm just sort of living.
Isn't it surprising that it took
me almost an entire year to get to that point?
Maybe. But maybe not.
I mean, I've had
a lot of big moves in my life, and nearly all of them have left me feeling
totally elated and totally destroyed. At this point, it's become a fairly predictable pattern. Living in a new place is hard-- especially within the first six
months. Those months always seem to be a nightmare.
But, I feel as though the more I
move around, the more accustomed I become to being one who moves. What would
you call one who moves? A mover? A movestress? A movinator? That last one is probably right.
So, I thought it'd be helpful to
post some of my favorite advice for dealing with the anxiety of finding
yourself in a completely new place and not knowing what to do about it.
If you're applying to teach
English abroad or planning to move to a new country (or even a new state!), I
hope this helps you out. These little tidbits have certainly helped me deal
with some major freak-outs in the past.
Also snacks. Lots of snacks.
1. Try not to have expectations.
Every time I move to a new place,
I visualize myself there, belonging there, being exactly the kind of person who
has lived there her whole life. I imagine myself with tons of new, beautiful
friends, twenty five pounds thinner, with a great paying job and several inches
taller. I also usually am holding some sort of latte.
Between you and me, that's not a
great way to walk into a potentially difficult life situation. It will leave
you very disappointed (usually).
The thing is, moving is stressful.
Beyond just the financial difficulties that come with a big move, moving tends
to leave you without a support network (or at least, a support network that's
fairly different than the one you've become accustomed to in your last
home).
So if you imagine yourself with
those beautiful people and that latte, and find yourself broke and alone,
wandering around in a strange new place, it can be a bit of a downer.
What's worked for me in the past
is telling myself throughout the moving process that good or bad, this move is
going to make my life more interesting in one way or another. Remember why
you're moving in the first place when things get tough.
And if things never get tough for
you, great! Count yourself very lucky!
2. Remember the 3-6-12 rule.
Give yourself three months to be
irrational, six months to get settled in, and a year to make your new location
feel like home.
It seems like whenever I move, I
have three months of extreme highs ("I'm never leaving this perfect
dreamland country!") and extreme lows ("No one in this terrible
butthole country cares that I exist..."), which is followed by the six
month mark where I kind of get what life is like ("It's really easy to
take the bus to Fukuoka, see?"), to that magical year mark when I sort of feel
like a local ("Oh, Kinoushita san owns the best vegetable shop in
town!"). It's a bumpy ride, but I find that it seems to be very
consistent.
However, these feelings can be
very hard to handle if you're not anticipating them.
3-6-12 is a great rule to remember
if you're just a few months into a big move and feel like you should be, well,
happier.
3. Say "yes" as much as
possible...
I can't tell you how many weird
adventures I've been on because I decided to say "yes" to odd
invitations.
For instance, a few months ago I
went on a women's beauty retreat in Kadogawa and learned to "beautiful
walk" and "small face massage" with forty strangers. I spoke
only Japanese for two days, caught a glimpse of an endangered aquatic bird (we
went bird-watching), and made really cool new friends!
It was so strange. But the amount
of satisfaction I felt for getting out of my comfort zone and handling
everything made it all worthwhile.
What I've noticed is that I feel
way more fulfilled when I fill my time with interesting experiences and funny
stories, especially when I'm going through a big move. It makes me feel that
I'm doing things I couldn't do in the place where I was before. It's a good
feeling.
4. ...but don't forget to take a day off.
On the other side of the coin,
it's also really easy to overbook yourself when you move to a new place because
there's so much great new stuff to see and do.
"Of course I'll help with the
community garden!"
"Volleyball for charity? Sign
me up!"
"You want to go out drinking
on a Tuesday night with your friend's ex-boyfriend, a librarian and an old war
veteran named Cookie? Sounds like a blast!"
If you say yes to literally everything, sometimes you can
stretch yourself a little thin.
Just be aware of yourself and your
needs. If you need to skip that really great weekend trip because you haven't
had a day to yourself all month, it's okay to do that. If you need to cancel on
visiting friends tonight because you're practically falling asleep at work,
that's okay too.
Or if you're like me and you just
need a break from speaking Japanese for a day, it's totally okay to skip
calligraphy class once in awhile to get bundled up and watch Broad City in bed.
 |
| "Calligraphy? Or raunchy lady-centric comedy?" |
You're going through a lot right
now. Be gentle with yourself.
5. Be true to you!
Just because you've moved to a new
place doesn't mean you're a different person.
Repeat that to yourself. Then
repeat it again.
If you like photography, take
photographs. If you need to ride your bike to feel good, buy one and ride it.
If you hate sports, but your new town is literally named Sportsville and no one
does anything but play sports there, you still don't have to like sports.
I've made myself so miserable so
many times by moving to a new place and completely changing myself to try to
fit in. I've bought different clothes, stopped doing the things I liked, and
pretending to like things that I really didn't care about, all in the name of
making friends and fitting in.
Let me save you some time. That
doesn't work.
I'm not trying to say you
shouldn't try new hobbies or activities. People are constantly changing and
growing, and a new move is a great time to try things out. Try the Singaporean
cooking class! Take up the mandolin if you want to!
I'm just saying that if you try
those new exciting activities, and you don't enjoy them, don't keep doing them.
Just be aware of yourself. Take note of what you find yourself actually enjoying, and what you're just
doing because it feels like it's the big thing to do in your cool, new country.
Big moves are tough. A new place
can make you feel anxious, depressed, alone, you name it. When culture shock
hits, it can make life feel impossible. Difficult times bring out the worst and
the best in people.
I know. I've seen myself become a
sad/angry weirdo many, many times.
But big move is also an amazing
thing. It allows you to try new things, see new places, eat new foods, and just
generally grow as a person. You'll do stuff your pre-move self would have never
done, and I hope it makes you feel great.
So if you're embarking on a big
move, congratulations! You're doing something very difficult and very
worthwhile. If things get tough for you, remember these tips.
Good luck, brave movinator! Or in the words of the original...
Hasta la movsta baby!
