10 Totally Normal Exchanges I've Had in Rural Japan

1.    That time when I first moved to Kadogawa, and one of my coworkers was showing me around my new office. She took me to the women’s restroom and fished a maxi-pad out of a basket. She handed it to me. Unsure of what was happening, I said, “Oh, very nice. We also use these in America.” I handed it back to her, nodding and smiling.

2.    That time when I thought I was going on a work lunch with many of my coworkers, only to discover that I was actually eating noodles with only one man. I asked him where our friends were, and he responded, “oh, they are not coming.” He showed me Youtube videos of him singing karaoke.

3.    That time when I tried to use my office’s upstairs restroom (the one with only squatting toilets), and I was stopped by a tiny janitor. She was speaking Japanese but I assumed she was saying something like, “Oh, you don’t want to use these! There are nice Western toilets for your Western bottom right downstairs. Why don’t you head down there?” With a chuckle, I tried to imply that I actually love using squatting toilets because they make me feel adventurous (in reality, I said something more like, “that toilet is okay”). I pushed past her and did my business, only to discover that she actually was trying to communicate that these toilets were currently out of order and could not flush.

4.    That time when a woman I had never met before showed up to my office and asked me about the cost of shipping several large books to Switzerland. When I told her I was from America, she said, “well, could you at least fill out this customs form for me?”

5.    That time where I wore a colorful barrette in my hair at the office, and my co-worker pointed and said, “That, in your hair. Why?”

6.    That time I went to one of my elementary schools and a tiny, adorable child came up behind me and said, “Hello English teacher! Are you a man or a woman?”

7.    That time I wore earrings that looked like fried eggs to middle school and my students told me it looked like I was wearing breasts on my ears.

8.    That time at English conversation night when I told a farmer that the name “Lauren” meant “of the Laurel leaves. You know, the ones that Roman people used to crown victors at the Olympic games.” So the next time I saw him, he brought me a four foot long branch from his Laurel tree as a gift.

9.    That time at volleyball practice when I used a Japanese word I didn’t quite understand. To try to explain the meaning of this word, one of the players mimed having intercourse with his wife, and then with another female player right afterwards. The word was “やばい” which roughly translates to “risky.”

10.  That time when my neighbor passed away, and the hospital workers were removing his things from his house. They approached me to express their condolences (in Japanese) and tell me that sometimes, people die, and life is hard, but that they were certain I would get through it.

I didn’t understand, so I told them that I was going on a trip to visit hot springs. They nodded solemnly and said, “oh yes, that’ll be great.”